Posted in Random Poems I Find Meaningful

A Forgotten Home

This is a piece that describes how I feel whenever I think about my mother and the family I have far away. They're my everything and I wouldn't trade the world for them.

A Forgotten Home

By: Anita Marie

Home is where your heart resides
It's where you can be whoever you'd like and find a safe haven within
The hush of the noise, the gleam of the night lights
The little things that just makes home a home

Some live in huts, others in mansions
In homes there is dining space for a family to share
Family could be a family of six
Then again family could just be mom and you
As long as there is a reason to get together, home will remain a home

It may be a freshly bought house or an ancestral home
Yet it will always be yours to treasure
Yours to cherish and yours to endure

Life thrives at the very soul of the hearth
Spreading warmth to the coldest of hearts and light to the darkest of souls
It's where you find that spark of hope that ignites the fire of your deepest passions
And that warm hand to hold when you think you're left out to drown in the ocean

But sometimes we forget home
We forget what it's like to build make believe fortresses with the pillows we sleep with at night
It becomes all too vague how we first rode our bikes and how we embraced the number of times we fell

Sometimes home slips from our mind when we're enjoying a cup of coffee at a shop
Sometimes it completely disappears when we're dreaming about the unknown feared in the dark

We sometimes walk through our lives with the knowledge of something else other than home
But no matter how far the distance we go
Our feet will always lead us back home

Nevermind how dangerous the road back may be
Home can be the house on the next street or thousands of miles east
Sometimes you realize you never left home
Sometimes you understand that home never leaves you
For every time you choose to leave it, home will find you

Without needing a map, a compass, or a GPS
Home will find you because home knows who you are
Because whether you admit it or not, home has always been in your heart

Posted in Poems about Relationships

The Subtle Fall

This poem is about my one-sided admiration of a guy who I’ve known for years. I honestly think he’s out of reach. I feel like he deserves a world so much greater than me. But late at night, I’ve  always prayed that the world he deserves, he’ll find in me.

The Subtle Fall
By: Anita Marie

I don’t know how to start
It was just a bit of a shake for my heart
He was like current
Steady, yet electrifying
And someone who just keeps you going

He wasn’t someone new
In fact, years have passed since who knew
The subtle hellos
An acquaintance at best
But lately, has somehow peaked my interest

8 hours of deep talk
Somehow got my heart locked
I never thought
Life would be so clear
Whenever he would wander near

Too near my naive heart
Threatening it to give him his part
But only I can feel
Only I can see
How strong I get when he captures me

Dear love, you drain me
My smile, my cheeks, my energy
Notice me please
And fall for me too
Cause I think I might go crazy without you

Keep still, I’m only joking
I won’t force us both into working
I pray for you to be happy
I pray you’ll be loved
That’s all I ask from our Father from above

You’re more than myself
I’ve never felt so terribly scared
Of keeping you
From what you deserve
For your heart was very well preserved

But if I may be so bold
And if your heart’s not as cold
I hope she’s me
The one you’re thinking of
I hope she’s me, your only love

Posted in Random Poems I Find Meaningful

Chocolates

I love chocolates. I’ve loved them ever since I was a child and my aunt always never fail to spoil me with them. So, why chocolates? Well, I just got a new bunch from my aunt and this poem will tell you how chocolates are just more than just a sweet treat to me. Enjoy the chocolates!

Chocolates
By: Anita Marie

My aunt often sent me chocolates
As a toddler, they were heaven
A reason to smile while binge eating them
I’d take a piece and savor the sugar
Then one by one I start to devour another

My aunt loved sending me chocolates
As a kid, I carefully hid my share
From itchy hands and greedy stares
How selfish I was to keep them to myself
Loving how I had to finish them all without help

My aunt really can’t stop sending me chocolates
Approaching my teens, it never bothered me
I’d eat them all without caring about my belly
My mother always told me, “in moderation”
But I can’t ignore the chocolate’s temptations

My aunt still sends me chocolates
As a teen, it was what I was known for
The crazy pink girl and a chocolate whore
But this time I learned to share with my friends
Because chocolates are better with a happy moment

My aunt sent me chocolates, again
Early adulthood, I realized was not a place for them
It’s sweet and full of innocence with a dangerous trend
It’s when I realized that life can be a burst of flavor
Definitely not like the chocolates I used to savor

But I, now, know why my aunt sent me chocolates all the time
When I hit my all time low in my young life
Lonely I was without signs of light
But chocolate was there to remind me of my childhood
The happy days of was, is, and would

My aunt was great for sending me chocolates
In happiness, they’re there to celebrate
In loneliness, they’re there to consolate
In success, they’re there to congratulate
And in sadness, they’re there to brighten my day

Posted in Poems about my Health

Despite the Medicine

So, this is another poem about struggling with OCPD. For those who don’t know me, I am a girl currently suffering from one of the more invisible mental illness, Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder. Again, this is not to be confused with OCD, which is an Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. The primary focus of this poem is mainly on the stigma that comes with a mental illness, particularly, the intake of medications. It is one of the few things that really irritate me and basically, I just want people to understand why I need this.

Despite the Medicine
By: Anita Marie

People call me crazy
Sometimes even lazy
They say I blame the devastations of my life on illnesses I fake
But they don’t know the frustrations I have over the decisions I make

Acting out. Depressed.
Heart Broken. Or stressed.
I could go on and on about how people perceive mental illness.
I get it, it’s invisible to the eye and almost impossible to detect.
And the stigma distresses me.

For the information of some, this is biology.
Its quite similar to how Animal Farm works.
Some neurotransmitters are more equal than others.
Until one or two of them starts to take over.

For the information of many, the symptoms are similar.
It’s just like how clear water resemble alcohol.
Both bubble up when you shake them yet steadies immediately after you do.
But the difference is one can cause miracles and one can kill you.

I’ve read many medical textbooks and I refused seeing a doctor.
You’d think 10 months of denial would help put my life in order?
No. It was out of my control. And I was too scared to admit it.
I thought of a thousand possibilities of what might have changed.
Is it the stress? Am I crazy? Am I just this anxious? What is wrong with me?
How ironic, right?
That a therapist would need a therapist of her own?
Who’s supposed to teach her what she already knows?

Every time I see my doctor, she always says,
“I’m gonna give you a prescription of these meds.
But always be reminded that this is only 50% of the recovery, so don’t be too sure
That you will get better until you perform the remaining 50% for your future.”

I believed this was the little push I needed to get better in school.
But others thought otherwise and thought I was a fool.
Cause medicine for the brain is still taboo
In a society that fusses over anything new

“You know what, that girl who went through suicide? She was on pills.”
“I think that man who was crazy overdosed until he got himself killed.”
“Are you sure about this? Be careful, honey, the side effects are hard.”
“WTF! Once you start, you might be dependent on them like Clark.”

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Reality Testing. They do help but without medicine its not the same
Because no amount of that can ever fix the imbalances in my brain.

And maybe that’s why I wrote about it.
To be honest, a mental illness cannot kill you.
But a society that stigmatizes it actually can.
Despite the medicine.