Posted in Random Poems I Find Meaningful

Skin

This is another short poem I made a few months back. It was inspired by an intriguing conversation with a friend who had trouble getting intimate and how she tried so hard to explore her sexual side.

Skin
By: Anita Marie

I don’t know how to touch myself
My very being, smooth, soft, but scarred within
I don’t know how to keep them at bay
Should I bend or move my hips this way?

It’s confusing at most yet primal at least
A thermodynamic way to calm the beast
Heat, so much heat
And a great deal of pleasure
Coming in like waves
Hitting me with a rush of desire I cannot conquer unless I wander

A danger. A risk. An excitement
Dancing shadows in the heat of the moment.
Intoxicated with a heightened sensation
Getting the hang of a rhythmic motion

An art no painter can repaint
A song no musicians can remake
A passion no other alchemist can recreate
And a love no one can replicate

It has been called many things
Natural, most often
But it can change everything
Sometimes, all at once in a moment

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Posted in Random Poems I Find Meaningful

How Does One Love?

Just a short poem about loving someone. Enjoy!

How Does One Love?
By: Anita Marie

How does one love?
Should we hold hands and kiss under the sun?
Or should we dance under the moonlight having fun?

How does one show that one cares?
By giving gifts worth more than money?
Or by giving quality time and treasured memories?

How does one prove one’s love?
Is it through classic poems and songs of then?
Or the warm hearted surprises that have come to trend?

But most importantly, what is Love?
Is it a feeling of wanting? Of longing? Of belonging to someone?
Or is it more than those mentioned all in one?

In love, there are many questions
But with faith, there are many solutions

How does one love?
Just with one’s heart and soul
Doesn’t really matter how
As long as you know, without a doubt, Love is there

Posted in Poems about Relationships

Love Curious

I know I said I would be on hiatus but I cooked up this poem after watching a really good short film during one of my study breaks. Coming from a group of friends who’re part of the LGBTQ+ community, I consider myself an ally. And I wanted to make this poem. It’s about the universal concept of what love is while trying to emphasize that the kind of love that most people are familiar with is really no different from the kind of love people in LGBTQ+ relationships experience.

Love Curious
By: Anita Marie

I’m curious
For most of my life, I’ve always been
Or have I?

I’ve always wondered what it was like to love
How does it go? What does one do?
Does it make me fall out of it or stay true?

For how familiar love is, it still comes off as a mysterious gush of wind
You never really know whether it’s cool because of the sea breeze or because of the mountain trees
All you know is that you need it to breathe

Yet love doesn’t always come the same way a second time
The first time for most of us was probably a gentle kind of love
The one that sets our expectations, gives us directions on where to go
Prompting us to ask the right questions
Because somehow, we never do

Crazy, right?
That something we thought was true could just turn out to be a clue
A step here, a hop there, then you find yourself running so fast
You can’t tell whether the beating of your heart speeds up because of the rush
Or because of that one person who makes you gush away

I’ve been in love, maybe in more ways than one but what I know about love?
Not much
I don’t think I’ll ever know much about it in my lifetime but I can always try

To be honest, I don’t know how it begins, or how it develops
All I know is that it could end, it could evolve, and that it has power I can’t quite understand

It can be dangerous for some yet it could be the only thing that could save a person from drowning out the world
Yes, love is weird, it makes you feel
Most importantly, it makes you human

Sometimes all love is, is a leap of faith
A risk into the unknown
Sometimes it’s a trap door on a theatre stage
At times it just flows

All you have to do is to open your eyes to everything around you
We may never understand love, but at least we know it’s there
Love is love, whether you wear it on your sleeve or hide it under your skin
But most of all, for whatever you make out of it, love always wins

Posted in Random Poems I Find Meaningful

A Forgotten Home

This is a piece that describes how I feel whenever I think about my mother and the family I have far away. They're my everything and I wouldn't trade the world for them.

A Forgotten Home

By: Anita Marie

Home is where your heart resides
It's where you can be whoever you'd like and find a safe haven within
The hush of the noise, the gleam of the night lights
The little things that just makes home a home

Some live in huts, others in mansions
In homes there is dining space for a family to share
Family could be a family of six
Then again family could just be mom and you
As long as there is a reason to get together, home will remain a home

It may be a freshly bought house or an ancestral home
Yet it will always be yours to treasure
Yours to cherish and yours to endure

Life thrives at the very soul of the hearth
Spreading warmth to the coldest of hearts and light to the darkest of souls
It's where you find that spark of hope that ignites the fire of your deepest passions
And that warm hand to hold when you think you're left out to drown in the ocean

But sometimes we forget home
We forget what it's like to build make believe fortresses with the pillows we sleep with at night
It becomes all too vague how we first rode our bikes and how we embraced the number of times we fell

Sometimes home slips from our mind when we're enjoying a cup of coffee at a shop
Sometimes it completely disappears when we're dreaming about the unknown feared in the dark

We sometimes walk through our lives with the knowledge of something else other than home
But no matter how far the distance we go
Our feet will always lead us back home

Nevermind how dangerous the road back may be
Home can be the house on the next street or thousands of miles east
Sometimes you realize you never left home
Sometimes you understand that home never leaves you
For every time you choose to leave it, home will find you

Without needing a map, a compass, or a GPS
Home will find you because home knows who you are
Because whether you admit it or not, home has always been in your heart

Posted in Poems about Relationships

The Subtle Fall

This poem is about my one-sided admiration of a guy who I’ve known for years. I honestly think he’s out of reach. I feel like he deserves a world so much greater than me. But late at night, I’ve  always prayed that the world he deserves, he’ll find in me.

The Subtle Fall
By: Anita Marie

I don’t know how to start
It was just a bit of a shake for my heart
He was like current
Steady, yet electrifying
And someone who just keeps you going

He wasn’t someone new
In fact, years have passed since who knew
The subtle hellos
An acquaintance at best
But lately, has somehow peaked my interest

8 hours of deep talk
Somehow got my heart locked
I never thought
Life would be so clear
Whenever he would wander near

Too near my naive heart
Threatening it to give him his part
But only I can feel
Only I can see
How strong I get when he captures me

Dear love, you drain me
My smile, my cheeks, my energy
Notice me please
And fall for me too
Cause I think I might go crazy without you

Keep still, I’m only joking
I won’t force us both into working
I pray for you to be happy
I pray you’ll be loved
That’s all I ask from our Father from above

You’re more than myself
I’ve never felt so terribly scared
Of keeping you
From what you deserve
For your heart was very well preserved

But if I may be so bold
And if your heart’s not as cold
I hope she’s me
The one you’re thinking of
I hope she’s me, your only love

Posted in Random Poems I Find Meaningful

Chocolates

I love chocolates. I’ve loved them ever since I was a child and my aunt always never fail to spoil me with them. So, why chocolates? Well, I just got a new bunch from my aunt and this poem will tell you how chocolates are just more than just a sweet treat to me. Enjoy the chocolates!

Chocolates
By: Anita Marie

My aunt often sent me chocolates
As a toddler, they were heaven
A reason to smile while binge eating them
I’d take a piece and savor the sugar
Then one by one I start to devour another

My aunt loved sending me chocolates
As a kid, I carefully hid my share
From itchy hands and greedy stares
How selfish I was to keep them to myself
Loving how I had to finish them all without help

My aunt really can’t stop sending me chocolates
Approaching my teens, it never bothered me
I’d eat them all without caring about my belly
My mother always told me, “in moderation”
But I can’t ignore the chocolate’s temptations

My aunt still sends me chocolates
As a teen, it was what I was known for
The crazy pink girl and a chocolate whore
But this time I learned to share with my friends
Because chocolates are better with a happy moment

My aunt sent me chocolates, again
Early adulthood, I realized was not a place for them
It’s sweet and full of innocence with a dangerous trend
It’s when I realized that life can be a burst of flavor
Definitely not like the chocolates I used to savor

But I, now, know why my aunt sent me chocolates all the time
When I hit my all time low in my young life
Lonely I was without signs of light
But chocolate was there to remind me of my childhood
The happy days of was, is, and would

My aunt was great for sending me chocolates
In happiness, they’re there to celebrate
In loneliness, they’re there to consolate
In success, they’re there to congratulate
And in sadness, they’re there to brighten my day

Posted in Haiku Haven

In Sync

A haiku about how I listen to music…

In Sync
By: Anita Marie

Your earphones plugged in
Music and feelings in sync
A moment begins

Posted in Poems about Relationships

The Thing About Him

This is a poem about my ex. It’s strange because I realize that the more I neutralize my perception of who he is, he turns more and more into an enemy rather than a friend, which was what he was before we turned into something more. Then, I guess it was a good thing we broke up.

The Thing About Him
By: Anita Marie

The thing about him is that he’s an expert on deception
I don’t get it how he does it but he just is
Making you think that his confidence is perfection

The thing about him is that he was not even a good friend
Even after putting friendship back on the table
He sulked in bitterness as he could not accept the end

The thing about him is that he was a chronic liar
One after the other they just flew from his mouth
Flame by flame building up into one great fire

The thing about him is that he embraces fuckboy culture
He likes it that he has a lot of girls at his disposal
Being praised for misogyny without looking at the big picture

The thing about him is that he was a pseudo everything
Making you think it was a meaningful relationship
But turns out it was for his pride that you were casted out as a fling

The thing about him is that he wasn’t even beautiful
Not even the slightest bit of a Prince Charming
Not a knight in shining armor, neither strong and honorable

The thing about him is that he was always a bad memory
Even if there were good times worth remembering
He has his way of day by day turning into the enemy

Posted in Poems about my Health

Despite the Medicine

So, this is another poem about struggling with OCPD. For those who don’t know me, I am a girl currently suffering from one of the more invisible mental illness, Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder. Again, this is not to be confused with OCD, which is an Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. The primary focus of this poem is mainly on the stigma that comes with a mental illness, particularly, the intake of medications. It is one of the few things that really irritate me and basically, I just want people to understand why I need this.

Despite the Medicine
By: Anita Marie

People call me crazy
Sometimes even lazy
They say I blame the devastations of my life on illnesses I fake
But they don’t know the frustrations I have over the decisions I make

Acting out. Depressed.
Heart Broken. Or stressed.
I could go on and on about how people perceive mental illness.
I get it, it’s invisible to the eye and almost impossible to detect.
And the stigma distresses me.

For the information of some, this is biology.
Its quite similar to how Animal Farm works.
Some neurotransmitters are more equal than others.
Until one or two of them starts to take over.

For the information of many, the symptoms are similar.
It’s just like how clear water resemble alcohol.
Both bubble up when you shake them yet steadies immediately after you do.
But the difference is one can cause miracles and one can kill you.

I’ve read many medical textbooks and I refused seeing a doctor.
You’d think 10 months of denial would help put my life in order?
No. It was out of my control. And I was too scared to admit it.
I thought of a thousand possibilities of what might have changed.
Is it the stress? Am I crazy? Am I just this anxious? What is wrong with me?
How ironic, right?
That a therapist would need a therapist of her own?
Who’s supposed to teach her what she already knows?

Every time I see my doctor, she always says,
“I’m gonna give you a prescription of these meds.
But always be reminded that this is only 50% of the recovery, so don’t be too sure
That you will get better until you perform the remaining 50% for your future.”

I believed this was the little push I needed to get better in school.
But others thought otherwise and thought I was a fool.
Cause medicine for the brain is still taboo
In a society that fusses over anything new

“You know what, that girl who went through suicide? She was on pills.”
“I think that man who was crazy overdosed until he got himself killed.”
“Are you sure about this? Be careful, honey, the side effects are hard.”
“WTF! Once you start, you might be dependent on them like Clark.”

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Reality Testing. They do help but without medicine its not the same
Because no amount of that can ever fix the imbalances in my brain.

And maybe that’s why I wrote about it.
To be honest, a mental illness cannot kill you.
But a society that stigmatizes it actually can.
Despite the medicine.

Posted in Poems about Relationships

Two Rules

Now, this is a poem about my breakup. My ex was weird but it happened anyway, so here’s the story.

Two Rules
By: Anita Marie

There are two rules you need to follow to win this game
Number one, listen and number two, try not to go insane

You see, the last time I played this game, I didn’t know the rules
I just leaped into it like I was searching for blue’s clues
Searching for signs to solve this mystery going around called love
Boy was I wrong when he started handing me my pink punching gloves

I stood there waiting for a punch but it didn’t come
Instead I got kisses, warm chocolates and hugs
My opponent made it seem like he wanted a connection rather than a fight
So as we made it to our corners, the emcee started picking up his mic

Introducing me, as an upcoming prodigy expected to win this season
And him, as a well known fighter yet has always lost for some reason
Both dignified fighters in their own right
Yet, who’s gonna win this fight?

Round one, we begin as we circle each other
Trying to get to know the opposing fighter better
It turned out none of us had landed a punch
And ended up disappointing the overlooking bunch

Round two was different, I felt it as we got closer
I knew more about your strategies and about the boulder
You carry everyday even if it was heavy enough to crush you when you stand
Little did I know that all was going according to your plans

Round three, your boulder, I helped you carry
And you said you’d thought I’d be a fighter too scary
Who knew we surprised each other so much
But in this round, spectators said we were losing our touch

The crowd boo-ed
The tickets were not cheap they said
A fight they wanted, a fight they will get

Now, there I stood with my pink gloves on
I took it off, and starting stepping out with conviction
I didn’t want to be a fighter if you were my opponent
I loved you too much already that to hurt you, I couldn’t

But before I could leave the ring to join your side
You landed a punch and said you lied

In the art of war, deception is the key
The crowd cheered for you and they boo-ed for me
My attention went to the scoreboard you looked at a lot
One point for you, okay now, I’ll stop

I’ll let you win because I loved you
But you didn’t love me back too
You said the words yet left bruises on my skin
You kissed my lips yet put my notes into a trash bin

I don’t know how much of it was a fight
I also don’t know how much of it was a lie
But I do know that something wasn’t right
Then I thought of something I thought I would never try

Let’s stop the fight. Then silence overtook the stadium.

I return the pink punching gloves stained red
I expected you to proclaim your love but instead
You took the belt, passed by me, without a trace of worry
Then I waited long for you to say the words, “I’m sorry”

I guess I’ll never hear it
Disqualified
Or maybe I didn’t listen
Disqualified

You see, I violated the two rules that made the game
Number one, listen and number two, try not to go insane