Posted in Poems about my Health

Armor Plate

My first poem on this site talked about what suffering from OCPD felt like. This poem I wrote talks about how it changed my entire life. How it contributed to the greatest failure I’ve experienced, and how it altered my resolve. I’m still ambitious. I will continue to be. But for now, this is my story.

Armor Plate
By: Anita Marie

There are 2 kinds of people in this world:
the survivors and the achievers
For 20 years of my life, I’ve built up the reputation of being the latter
Smart, endearing, self-sustaining, with a golden resolve
A hunger for a legacy over something I really loved

But OCPD hit me, and it hit me real hard in the head
I’ve avoided too much blaming it but I did it instead
Why is fate cruel to me? Why does this exist?
Did I end up on the naughty side of the naughty or nice list?

I’m the kind of person who never had to show her tears in public
I usually put up a front and play some of my favorite music
To drown the sorrow I feel inside my heart
To ignore the emotions tearing me apart

Bits and into pieces, my heart went
My confidence and pride both so bent
On the verge of being broken, I still attempt to stand
Even when my feet has been struggling with the quicksand

If I was healthy, would I be better?
If I was healthy, would none of it matter?
My superiors call me lazy, my colleagues call me stressed
I do have something playing with my mind but I’m not depressed

I still crave the glory my former self worked on
I still enjoy the sunsets and trips filled with fun
My scars are many, this isn’t my first
I’ll keep fighting until I quench my thirst

A waste of talent, they called me
A failed prodigy, they saw me
No one continued to see me as an achiever
Thinking I ended up becoming a sore loser

But no, this is not my end
And I’ll tell you things I’ve learned, my friend
Challenges are there for a purpose
It’s the challenge of trying not to lose your focus

But all of that takes a really long time
I’ll disappear gathering what was mine
I’m gonna fade for a moment or two
But I swear, I will be back soon

I will be back again with a hunger for glory
I will be back so to those I’ve wronged, I’m sorry
I will be back so just you all wait
I will be back a survivor with an armor plate